This is Dr. Radhi Ferguson 2004 Olympian four-time national Judo champion, Brazilian black belt, author and speaker and coach and welcome to another edition of coffee with Rhadi, and here’s what I want to talk to you about this morning. I want to talk to you about being in tough situations and being in a tough spot. There are oftentimes our tough spots that we have in life, we have spots where we just don’t think that we can make it through. We don’t think that we can get through.
Here’s what I want to tell you. I want to tell you that grapes get crushed in order to make wine and olives get pressed in order to make olive oil and diamonds don’t get made without the pressure. if you really think about it, seeds which produce fruit, they start out in a dark place. So anytime you feel yourself getting crushed, any time you feel yourself being pressed, anytime that you feel yourself being under an extreme amount of pressure. Just know that you’re in those particular situations, because you’re being set up to manifest something great.
I can go back to a time when I went through a divorce. I remember being in my car coming outside of the dojo, I can still remember the date it was March 21. I’m caught up in 2021. I looked at my phone. And I saw a missed call from my former wife. And I said, Man, this is a really funny time for her to call. She doesn’t usually call this little timer and something bad must have happened.
So, I set out and I prepared myself. I took a deep breath before I call back. I said I mean listen to the voicemail. I said oh boy, I knew there’s going to be some bad information. So, I took a deep breath. Listen to the voicemail, the voicemail said, “Hey Radhi, just wanted to give you a phone call and let you know that I’ve officially filed for divorce. The children are with me and we could talk about this tomorrow. That’s all I have to say. Bye.”
I’m looking at the phone. I thought somebody was playing a prank on me. So, I played the shit again. “Hey Radhi, just wanted to give you a phone call and let you know that I’ve officially filed for divorce. The children are with me and we could talk about this tomorrow. That’s all I have to say. Bye.”
The first thing that went into my mind was Hey, man, let me call and let me fix this because you think that when something happens bad, you think I can fix this? I can fix whatever went wrong. I know I can fix it. I’m a fixer, man. I’ve been to the Olympic Games. I’ve won World Championship medals. I’ve coached people to high levels of success, man, there’s really nothing that I can’t do. I can fix this.
You started trying to appreciate yourself and you know “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can fix this. There’s no problem. Once I put myself in what Got bad, I can fix it.” So, I get on the phone I said let me just call her and we can talk us through, I can fix this no problem. I call the phone; phone goes to voicemail. I call the phone again; phone goes to voicemail. I’m figuring out. I can’t fix this right now. I get in my car, get ready to drive home. But I can tell you right now.
I’m thinking mash the gas as fast as possible. Turn right over the guardrail into the water and it all be over with, and these are the thoughts that went into my mind. Never thought like that ever in my life. Ever.
I’m driving. I call my parents. My mom says Oh, no. talks to my dad. Dad breaks down. That’s not even me. I’m driving on my way home. When I get home. All the shit is gone. Everything gone. I mean pictures off the wall, Pictures, cut in half, All the files for the tax. Everything was close. Gone. closet stripped, moved out, gone.
I call my kid’s phone. I call my kid’s phone. My daughter answered the phone. Hey, Daddy, how are you? I’m just fine. She says man, Daddy, look at my new room and my new clothes, and my new bed. And now I’m a dad. So, I’m trying to act like I’m excited because my daughter is so excited. Because my ex-wife has moved into a fully furnished home and she’s excited because she has new clothes, new closet, bed, shoes, everything. I am now crushed. I am now being pressed. I’m in a situation where I’m at an extreme amount of pressure. I’m in a super, super, super dark place and then finally that my daughter puts me on FaceTime and I see all the people in the house who have sat down and gotten together and plotted this whole thing out with my ex.
Now I’m in a really dark place. Because when she brings the phone down “look Mommy, here’s daddy. Everything shuts down. No conversation happens. I Don’t talk to my son. I’m on the floor in my house, broken down I lose control of my bowels. i pissed and shit on myself. Even thinking about it is crazy. I’m on the floor and all I can think about is, let me just go into the kitchen and cut myself and just be done with the whole shit now.
I’ve never thought like this in my life ever, ever. Like never now like me. I’ve never said it’s a man let me call let me call people man. Let me call the suicide hotline. I had to call I had to call the suicide hotline. I was bad. Like Bad, bad.
So, I call the people. These people are professionals. Like I don’t have any clue what those people said to me. I have no recollection of it. I really can’t remember going to sleep that evening either or bathing I don’t remember that stuff. I do you remember this? I got up in the morning to go get some food to cook for my kids. Why? Who the hell knows?
I get up in the morning to go to Publix to get food to make breakfast, Pull into the parking lot of Publix and and I got my car and I see the Omega Sapphire tag on the car next to my car. I can’t give it a whole, I can’t remember all of it and that was how I met coach Arlo.
I don’t remember the whole conversation, he remembers the whole conversation better than I do. But I remember we’re holding hands in the parking lot of Publix. He’s praying for me. I had something I had to help him with. He’s going to tell that story when we get inside of the summit later. But all I knew was I needed some help and I needed some help. Now.
No matter how much I thought I was going to do it, no matter how much weight I squatted, or how many bench presses I did, or how far I could run, how many marathons I did, or how many half marathons I walked, that was not going to get me to this particular situation.
The only way that I was going to get through this particular situation was by understanding that two are better than one because they have good reward for their labor, I wasn’t able to do it by myself, I was going to be some help and I wasn’t going to be able to do it by myself, I was going to need help from God, I was going to be able to do it for myself, I was going to have to listen to some instructions and I was going to have to accept the current crushing that was going on the current pressure that I was feeling in the current dark place that I was in and also except that I have my hand in producing all of it.
If you don’t think that it was difficult. Just understand that when you plant a seed and you dig a hole, and you put dirt on it. That’s not the end of it. There is water, there is rain, there is fertilizer known as shit.
Before you come out of that dark before you come out of that darkness. You have to grow through the dark place in order to make the break through and the things that you know aren’t going to aren’t going to get you through is going to be help from other people. That’s going to get you through that particular dark place and as soon as you come to that dark place when you make that breakthrough, it’s not over yet.
If you do not put yourself in a situation like that seed and begin to strive to break through because you are attracted to the sun, you are never going to get where you need to go, you’re never going to grow in the way that you need to grow. You don’t have to believe it. I don’t sit here and try to preach to everybody on my coffee with Radhi. I’m telling you right now, my name is Radhi Ferguson, I have my own faults. I’m not perfect. I tell people all the time, I’m not perfect.
I’m just the best, and the best Radhi that I know how to be at this particular time and thank God, I’m always striving to get better. I will tell you in your particular journey in your life, as I said in the beginning, maybe in a situation where you’re like a grape as being crushed right now to produce some quality wine might be like, all of that is being pressed to produce the highest quality olive oil, you might be a diamond in the rough right now experiencing some pressure and you might be in a situation of a see that is in a dark place. Understand that the place that you’re in, is where you’re supposed to be at this particular time.
Because there’s some fruit that you need to produce, if you are willing to accept the situation that you’re in and the situation that you helped put yourself in with them to except that you wanted to take accountability for it, you wanted to understand that I need to experience this pressure, I need to experience this this extreme amount of darkness, I need to experience this particular crushing, because when I am at my weakest, then I am strongest.
If you can accept those particular things you can grow. Everybody is trying to fight darkness. Everybody’s trying to fight the crushing and everybody’s trying to fight the pressure. You can’t fight it, accept where you are and then understand, that is not what you are going to be.