I had the distinct pleasure and opportunity of hosting 2000 Olympian Lauren in my dojo last night for the second time. Most individuals in the world, especially the United States don’t have an opportunity to have two or more Olympians on the mat, and it’s a quality experience, not only for myself but for the practitioners as well. At the end of class, one of the students asked Lauren what training was like. if we were at a great American teaching event and talking to some kids at a school, we tell the people, how wonderful an experience it was, we learned a lot about ourselves and our character, but she’s in a dojo, so she gave her real answer. She said it was hell. Just it felt like hell. I wanted to give the children some perspective, give some of you all some perspective that somebody who makes Olympic team at 16 and 17 has been working for about 10 to 12 years. At a high level. A lot of people watch my man, Herman Belasco. Sometimes I hear feedback of how he’s going too hard, he’s putting too much pressure on his kid.
But here’s the thing. You don’t have forever to do it. You only go around one time. Maybe you do it right. And you make it when you do it right. When you miss it, but you know, you did it right. Or you don’t do it at all. And then you talk trash about the people who are doing it. So here’s the deal. Grant Cardone wrote a book a little while ago, that wasn’t scientific but anecdotal in its sense, however, the theme of the book was right on time. And the book that he wrote was called 10x. What he said was, no matter what you’re doing, you need to do 10 times more than what you’re doing to get the result that you’re looking for. Because whenever you think that you need to be successful, you need 10 times more than that.
I say that because people are disillusioned by what hard work is. Disillusioned by what it takes us to be the best, disillusioned about what it takes to be the best in the world, or what investment is required. They whine. They spend more time whining and crying and complaining than they do working. They whine and cry and they complain. Let me say this because I am part of the whining nation today. I am not immune to whining. I’m not immune to crying. I need coaching when I begin that bullshit.
I sometimes need somebody that slapped me back in the place. I was on a call with one of my boys yesterday. My business partner Coach Arlo had to help me, recalibrate myself and recalibrate my thinking on a couple of issues that I have because sometimes when stuff starts going bad, you start to appreciate that thing. You increase this value in your life when it shouldn’t have as much value as you’re giving it. We give the stress and the pressure, more value, than we do the process, that the stress and the pressure is just par for the course. Sometimes God is preparing you for a thing, or a season or a situation that you need the mental, spiritual, and character weightlifting to be ready for the thing that he is going to deliver later.
Because pain is an aversive thing, and it’s something that we don’t want to do, we don’t want to create an uncomfortable situation for ourselves because we comfort and we end up cheating ourselves about blessings, because we can’t have what we want, without the suffering. It’s not just biblical. It’s truthful, like everything that you want requires an investment. Every investment requires you to go into the negative.
You have to dig the hole to plant the seed. Everybody wants to seed. Everybody wants to get involved in the seeding process. But nobody wants to dig that hole. The hole must be dug. Nobody wants to go into the hole to be successful. You cannot be successful unless you’re willing to dig the hole. The digging of the hole in the work that has to be done before any fruit has been brought to fruition. The hole has to be dug, then a seed has to be acquired and planted, then dirt has to go over the seed and the manure and fertilizer have to go over the dirt. Then the seasons have to come to the wind the rain and the water have to come over the particular thing. And then the working in the husbanding of the garden has to continue and there isn’t fruit available, there’s only work and if the work stops, then the fruit does not bear itself.
See this is the problem, we have grown up in a society where we get in a car and we go to the grocery store and we believe that that is the way that we acquire food. Knowing that the growth of the thing that we want is going to nourish us physically, spiritually and emotionally, requires a boatload of work. Now let me dive into the modern-day thing because my daughter likes watching this show with me I don’t like it. But I need to spend time with her doing something that she likes, she likes to watch the show ‘Selling Tampa.’ So I’m watching the show selling Tampa and this woman on the show is going through a divorce. She says I’m getting divorced because the marriage that I want is not the marriage that I have.
Anybody cussing you? Anybody beating on you? Is anybody calling you out of your name or something? She said ‘the marriage I want not the marriage I have.’ Modern-day science as it pertains to performance and enhancement and development. dictates a 10,000-hour rule. It takes a good eight to 10 years to get good anything, you go to school for four years, four to five years undergrad, then you go to school for an advanced degree sometime between three and five years. That prepares you for the critical thinking the undergirding that is necessary for the next level of achievement. Then you get into your profession. Inside of your profession, you learn the nuances of performance, of becoming good within the profession. That also takes another eight to 10. So you grew up in a household of married people and you learn how married people operate, or you grew up in a household where people who are not married, and you understand how people who are not married, operate. Then you move into a relationship phase and you’re either critically thinking about how to stay together, or how to function as an individual.
Not understanding that interdependence is the highest functioning level of relationships and independence is low level, the children start as being they come out of the womb, they start as being dependent. Then there’s a level of codependency where the parent needs the child, the child needs the parent, then and then through the parenting process, during the codependency, parents struggle in terms of how to help their child become more independent. Then there’s this period from the age of five, to around 13, where there’s a struggle, especially in the marital home, of how I need to push this child towards independence and it changes depending on if you have a boy or girl, it changes on the strength of the voice and the man and a woman in the household. I watch this thing because I coach inside of a dojo and I receive, I receive the fruits of the labor process from the parents and I see the struggle that occurs in terms of developing an independent individual.
But in that in that independence in the sporting realm, I have to teach them “as much as you need to come to this thing and be independent, there’s also a level of achieving something at a high level that you cannot do by yourself. This is why you have the law of the one, the two, and the three. This is why The Bible talks about how can two walk together unless they agree. So there’s some agreement that you have to come into to be able to work with someone else. They say you want to go fast, go up, you go alone, you want to go far, you go up, you go together. Why? Because you need some help. So what happens in today’s society is people believe that they don’t need any help. When you’re doing good, you don’t need any help. But herein lies the struggle. Herein lies to trigger the enemy when you feel like you could do it by yourself. I’ve won a lot of stuff, didn’t win it by myself, I lost a lot of stuff too, didn’t lose about myself. Because everybody needs some help.
Now, if you plant the seed in the ground and you put the dirt back on it and you do the formidable work, in the beginning, you do the foundational work in the beginning, you do the rudiments of the planting process in the beginning if you do all those particular things and you husband the garden, you wait… but then you get frustrated because you don’t see any growth you will walk away from that particular situation because you believe that you have suffered enough… As soon as you walk away from the situation, from the training, from the studying, from the book, from the audiobook, from the course, from the relationship, from the negotiation table. As soon as you walk away because you believe that you’re wasting your time. You will miss the groundbreaking that is getting ready to happen because the growth was happening during the struggle. Because The Struggle Is The Way.
The Struggle Is The Way
Visit www.coffeewithrhadi.com and get the book coffee with Rhadi today. If you already have the book, Buy a copy for somebody else. I appreciate it. This is Dr. Ferguson. Have a super fantastic day. Remember, I love you. God bless you best…
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