So here’s what I want to talk about today. There is a constant battle that happens internally with us, in the spiritual sense. it’s a battle between your flesh side and your spiritual side. If we look at Freudian psychology, it’s a constant battle of the ID and the super ego, which is balanced out by the ego. I really want to talk to you about is what we call Personal Friction Points.
Now, usually there’s a friction point between you and somebody else. That’s how you perceive it. When you really get down to it you realize the friction point is really an internal one, it’s you, versus you or you and how you perceive a thing, or you based upon who you like to be, or you based upon who you believe that you are. We see a lot of friction points that in our work with switchOn, when we challenge people, and we hold a mirror up to them, they find out they’re not exactly who they thought they were. So let’s take a small ride down the path of Freudian psychology just so everybody gets an understanding of the friction point.
Basically, when Freud speaks about the ego and the super ego, not to get into too deep of an academic discussion, the Id is who you are at your rawest point is who you are in terms of your basic hardcore needs, sexual desires and all. Your super ego is who you really want to be, who you see yourself like, what you think you are like, the you that chooses the moral high ground them.
The id is where you are at the gutter, that’s you in the dms with the side chick, that’s you thinking about low level, walking in the store taking stuff out, because you feel like you’re hungry and you should get what you want to get when you want to get it and that type of stuff. Id is your basic needs and desire.
The super ego is where you would like to be walking on the moral high run ground all the time. And the ego is where you play in the middle and you balance out what it is that I should be doing and what it is and I’m not going to do.
The ego puts you in a constant state of moral and ethical friction. Many people have a rough time with this particular friction point. Because they get caught up on Who am I and who should I be? Who am I and who should I be? This happens a lot of times in life, most of the time, we only categorize it or give it a name when we when we call out a point in life that we call a midlife crisis.
A midlife crisis happens because you’ve lived a lot of your life playing on the first nine holes and then you get to hole 9, 10, 11, you can actually see the clubhouse and you see it’s almost time to take it in. You can feel yourself wearing down, you can see yourself getting tired and you can see there’s not a lot of holes left on the play card. And now you’re thinking, do I need to switch clubs, switch caddies, switch drivers, switch putters, switch partners, or switch courses.
A lot of us don’t understand that no matter where you go, there you are!
Every club that you have in your hand you put there, every person on the course that you are playing with, you decided to play with them. Every card that you’re driving, you drove every caddy who is with you, you select it, everything that is around you, is based upon you. But what we like to do is when we get caught in what we call a half mercy situation where we have to yell out and say Lord have mercy, we start pointing the fingers outward.
Now, one of the best business books of all time, is a book by Collins called Good to Great. In that book, they talk about what the great ones do. The Great Ones never look at a problem and see the people on the outside as causing the problem. The great ones look inside, and say that the solution to the problem is within me.
I had a talk with Coach Arlo about a day or two ago with a client. And he said something that he says on a couple of calls, but it really hit home when I talk about personal friction points today because he said the issue with a problem is that in the egoic mind, when you come up with a problem, you eliminate the solution. That’s why people say I can’t deal with this anymore. I’m out…
Well, why can’t you deal with it anymore. Most problems can be solved through communication. But when you refuse to communicate then you refuse to solve the problem. A lot of people want to create a problem, Because they’ve eliminated solutions.
Let’s just look at this. When I got to Howard University, in 1992, the first class that I took was intro to engineering decided to be a mechanical engineering major. And I was in this class, it was almost like 150 people in this auditorium and we talked about the process of engineering, and engineering at the basic level, they talked about brainstorming And they say “in the process of brainstorming, I want you to come up with ideas that you think are outlandish, that you think will be crazy or that people would actually make fun of you if you said it in our in a regular meeting, or if you said in the classroom.”
But we need you to brainstorm because we need you to look at all the solutions possible first, and don’t shoot down anybody’s brainstorming. Now when I think about it now I’m thinking to myself, the engineering process does not look for a problem nor does it except that a problem exists. The engineering process brainstorms understanding that every problem that exists in this world has a solution and somebody is going to find it. Why can’t it be me?
The friction points that you have in your life occurs because there’s a constant battle between your lower-level gut desires, your Id and your super ego of who you want to be and your ego of who you are.
Your ID presents all the options that are available to you. Your super ego presents the problems with those options based upon societal constructs, based upon who you want to be, based upon who you think you are and what you should do and your ego handles the friction.
Those people who don’t have Friction Well, they find a way to medicate themselves, they find a way to drink some find a way to hurt themselves. And those people who do handle the friction well find a way to move through life.
Now, the thing about highlander friction points is like in life is that you got to understand that you can’t handle those friction points on your own. For every great thing that I’ve done, I’ve always had coaching. I’ve found myself and a half mercy situation before for those of you who know my personal story, why I went through a divorce and I had to go to therapy.
But that’s not my first time When I competed, I was competing and in training for the Olympic Games. Also, one of their better sports psychologists, so you need to have someone to sit down and talk to because there are a lot of things going on in your life. The id is always pulling you one way. The super ego wants you to present yourself and another way. And then you have friction.
You need coaching, you need mentoring, you need therapy, you need therapeutic modalities that you use, what are some of the therapeutic modalities that I use in my life to handle friction? I use the mat, I use the weight room, I use cardiovascular training, I use walks, I use meditation, I use prayer, I use the help of friends.
You cannot only use those modalities, you need to also sit down and speak with somebody. Bible talks about therapy. When you have an issue a problem, The Bible tells you to go seek the elders of the church. Why do you need to seek the elders, you need to seek the elders because time plus experience equals wisdom.
So, you get wisdom from those people. And then people say, “Well, I’m not going to sit down with no one. No pastor had no training.” As a way to find you a church where the people have Christian counseling, Christian based counseling, find a mosque where the people have that type of counseling.
Find your synagogue where they have that type of base counseling. Find someone when they have that type of conflict. If you don’t believe that, then find someone, someone else that find the elder in the church, which you attend. If you operate in the church of the world, and find your therapists in the church in the world, find you an elder to sit down and talk to him. If you want people to hang out, in Miami Florida, then what you need to do is you need to go to the to the little Cuban coffee shop, you sit down and you talk to one of the old dudes out there, sit out have your cup of Cuban coffee, and you get some wisdom from that church.
Go and get the wisdom by speaking with somebody who has more time and more experience than you. This will help you move through life. This will lessen the friction, much of the friction happens because you are out here trying to do things on your own. The friction happens because you believe that you can do it better on your own. You cannot do better on your own, your id tells you, you can do it on your own. “I don’t need nobody.” And then what’s crazy, the super ego says, I am so good. I can get this done. I will make it happen no matter what and both things are incorrect.
So how do you balance “I can do it by myself and I don’t need no help you” with the reality of “things in my life aren’t getting done the way that I need them to get done.” So clearly, me thinking that I can do it all by myself and clearly be thinking I don’t need anybody is not helping me get where I need to go. This brings you to the situation where you find yourself stuck, which is another friction point.
You are stuck. Some of you are stuck financially. Some of you stuck in relationships, some of you stuck spiritually. Are you really stuck? Or is it that you’re not utilizing the help that you’ve invested in or not going to get help?
But you’re not stuck? You can get on the internet, you could you could look at figure competitors, fitness competitors, bodybuilders, you’re not stuck until you get yourself down about three 4% body fat, you’re not stuck.
What you are doing is you’re lying. You’re cheating. You’re snacking, and you’re having a friction point of the end of the id of “what I want to eat” and the super ego as “I’m eating well, I’m doing better than I’ve been doing.” And then your ego which is “This is where I’m at am not trying to tell these people where I’m at. I’m just going to get out of this program and go about my business I lost enough weight.”
Two are better than one. If you’re going through life and you’re having a problem or an issue to help you get through your friction point or your stopping point. You need some help.
You’ve received some answers today about thinking that you could do things all by yourself. You’ve received some answers today about the complimentary relationship between the ego and the super ego. The question that I have for you is where you get some of the help that you need. In Will you book a call today. The call is 100%. Free. You go to www.letsgetonacall.com book a call with us, Coach Arlo and I do the call, identify some of the friction points, choose how you want to handle those friction points and then make a plan of action for yourself.