I spoke yesterday about friction points, what friction points are and we discussed the switchOn coaching process. We discussed the difference between a friction point and a hurdle, a friction point in a wall and we discussed a friction point in just difficult times plus I also cautioned you about dealing with people who have not embraced suffering as a part of life.
Not understanding that friction points in difficult times are necessary for you to become who you are supposed to be. A lot of individuals run away from friction points because they’re painful, that brought me to the next portion of our discussion, where we talk about friction points, and friendship…
I had the distinct honor and pleasure to enter a fraternity in college, where the motto of the fraternity was ‘Friendship was essential to the soul.’ So, through that particular time period, and through the training ground of the process of entry into the fraternity, we learned a lot about friendship, a lot about self-sacrifice, self-abnegation self-conceit, a lot about understanding how the whole is more important than the parts, but the integrity of the parts make up the whole.
What I found out was when I finished that particular process was that everybody’s definition of a friend was different…
I had to learn some hard lessons about friendship as a pertain to relationships, I had to learn some hard lessons about friendship as they pertain to friction points in difficult times. Before this particular episode, I had to really sit down and look at and analyze friendship. it’s very difficult for me to give you a definition of friendship. Because friendship, or the definition thereof is based upon one’s conceptual framework, I can tell you out of the gate, mine is based upon a Christian theoretical framework where there’s no greater love than a man having a man will lay down his life for his friend, period.
Now what I found out through my 46 years on Earth, is that the relationship for females and relationship for males are different. More or less the relationship or the friendship for women are based upon “will you write for me.?” but on the male side is “will you die for me.” The interaction amongst and between males, if things get heated, usually males back down, because there’s no finishing point of the disagreement other than death.
So, when two males come into a disagreement, like I said before, where they have the antithesis and the thesis and they come together, and they’re trying to reach synthesis, they don’t push too hard on their points because the outcome of death is a possibility when dealing with males.
More often than not, on the woman side, when they have a disagreement, you get cut off. So, if there’s a death by way of lack of the ability to have exposure to that person, or said species. Why is this particular thing important? It’s important because friction points and relationships are looked at very differently. Especially when you’re talking about intergender relationships. They’re looked at very differently.
When I call some my buddy, my friend, I am the assumption or belief that if a car was coming from me in the middle of the road, that person would sprint from wherever they are, and knock me down and take the car. The only reasons why they wouldn’t do so is if they had obligations in terms of children, or marriage. Other than that, I would expect those people to run out there and take the car. I don’t know if other people have some expectations. I understand that most people don’t. So, I temper my particular understanding when it comes to friendship.
When I call somebody my friend and I in a colloquial fashion, or when somebody calls me their friend and a colloquial fashion, because I really never do that, okay? I let it ride. But I rarely, rarely, will call somebody my friend, if I’m not willing to die for that person.
Now, let’s get to the point. Friction points. Often times bring up a negative experience. More often than not, especially when we look at operant conditioning. We run or remove ourselves from negative experiences. A lot of people believe that their friend is supposed to bring them peace, that their friend is supposed to make them happy and that their friend is supposed to be the giver of joy.
The person that you want to hang out with, for your birthday, the person that you want to talk to when good things happen. The true essence of friendship is that you are open with the person to the point that you understand that you opening up yourself to this person can also provide them with the ability to hurt you. The pain that you may feel in that relationship may come because of mistakes that they make, or they may come because of truth that they provide to you.
I’ve seen plenty of people run from their friends because they don’t want to hear the truth that their friends have for them. Your friend will sit you down and say, Hey, let me tell you something, buddy. That thing you did over there yesterday, you were wrong about that and you need to give those people back their money, or you need to go back down and apologize or you didn’t meet, you need to make right what you did wrong. And I’m not going to leave you because I’m your friend. But I’m telling you that’s going to have an effect on our relationship as friends. Because that’s not what that’s not the type of friends that I have nor the expectation that I have on my friends.
Now, those are friction points. You may not like what your friend tells you, you may not like how your friend tells it to you, but your friend is going to tell it to you and your friend will create friction points for you and if you have a friend who is not creating friction points for you every once in a while, then you do not have the opportunity to sharpen yourself because iron sharpens iron, but
Iron doesn’t sharpen iron because the two irons don’t touch each other! iron sharpens iron because the iron is rubbing against the other piece of iron, thus causing heat and causing friction and thus sharpening one and the other.
President of the Bahamas Judo Federation told me that there has to be a healthy sense of tension within the relationship. There has to be otherwise you can’t grow. One of my friends Dr. Jenna colada. We have a healthy friendship.
He knows that he just had a Baby, he knows I have an expectation for him in terms of fatherhood, he knows I have an expectation for him in terms of being a student. I know that he has an expectation of me in terms of my behavior in terms of my department, in terms of my ability to be a man of my word, to do what I said, I’m going to give him the things. We know this.
I know that he has an expectation to me when it comes to protecting my family and doing the things that I’m supposed to do. He stays on me about those particular things. Why? Because iron sharpens iron.
Now, why am I making this point like this?
Because in the switchOn coaching process, if any of you ever want to get inside our coaching process, we put friction points on purpose. Some people experience the friction points in the coaching process and they leave. Why did they leave? they leave because they’re not used to that type of friction, then I use somebody talking to them a certain way, I use somebody addressing them a certain way.
They don’t want to deal with somebody when their tone is off, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, we we coach a demographic, we cause different demographics and there’s one demographic that we coach, that particular demographic, the only thing that they were really concerned about is tone, “your tone, the tone at which you talked to me, helped me today.”
If tone is a friction point for you, it is something that you should learn how to address. Because the tonality of the discussion may not change. But you can’t if you don’t get the information. And the information that you need may only come in one tone, it may only come in one format, it may only come in one way, and it may only come from one group of persons.
I went to the Olympics in 2004, I competed for United States, I don’t talk about the Olympics often and people who around me know I don’t talk about elephants often because there’s some really heart wrenching stuff that happens with that process. It is the brutality of the emotional and physical process of making an Olympic team, it supersedes what most people can fathom.
Do something about friction points and relationships and fixed points of marriage. Because foundationally understanding friendship, and creating that base in terms of friendship is important for relationships and marriage.
We take that particular element and we move that into the realm of relationships as we’re going to do on our next talk that we have that to understand that. To love you have to forgive much for bear much you have to deal with what we call long suffering.
The thing about friction points in friendship is, people put a time period on how long they want to suffer. Don’t put a fridge dump, Put a time period on how long you want to suffer. Just understand this. If you decide to call somebody your friend, the true friend of yours then that person’s friendship doesn’t have a time period on it.