Today I want to talk about Friction Points. It is something we have in our processes in SwitchOn, the one thing about the friction point process is that a lot of people mistake a friction point for a hurdle, they mistake a friction point for a roadblock and in today’s cancel culture, they mistake a friction point for a fork in the road, meaning that they have to leave and go somewhere else. Let me say this
Friction Points occur in every area of life, they occur in relationships, they occur in finances and they also occur in the health and wellness phase of life, and when these Friction Points appear a lot of times, people don’t have the opportunity to identify what they are.
Let’s understand this, there’s a difference between Friction and viscosity from a physics standpoint or engineering standpoint. If you will viscosity happens when there’s fluid in between two solids and things move on and they get hot and they move and they keep moving rapidly. But when the when the fluid in between gets thick, it gets more viscous and things start trudging and slugging along.
We’re not talking about the viscosity that happens in relationships.
Now we talk about viscous situations deeper in our coaching programs because these are times of points where people are actually moving and they think that they’re making progress because they’re moving in a direction they want to move and they’re not moving as fast as they would like to and they confuse a viscous situation for a friction point when the friction point is more of an internal one that is happening to them on the cognitive or the mental side.
So, we’re not going to talk about the viscous situations right now.
What happens with friction?
Viscous situations create heat too, but what happens with friction??
Well Friction is when two things rub against each other and then they create discomfort, they increase heat.
In the in the personal space, it creates a level of hardening.
When Friction happens, sometimes it’s a protective mechanism that comes into play that allows you to work through the process of friction and that point hurts.
So, I’m going to talk about the protective mechanism that is provided with friction first.
We call those things calluses. Now here’s the thing about building up callous…
You can build a callus that allows you to work through a situation. However, when you build up the callus, the situation in and of itself has not gone away. now, why is this important to mention?
it’s important to mention in the process of dealing with friction Points because that particular callus can sometimes be beneficial and it can sometimes be hurtful, especially in the realm of communication. So, when we’re talking about building up a callus, not necessarily, I’m talking about something that’s been built up over time that allows you to just keep going and dealing with the friction. Not addressing the friction but dealing with the friction!
Remember that there’s times when this is good, there’s times when it’s bad.
So, when is this good? This is absolutely phenomenal for gymnasts when their hands need to be stronger and more calloused so they can get on the rings and the bars.
This is absolutely phenomenal for martial artists who do taekwondo or karate when their feet need to be more callous.
This is absolutely phenomenal for weightlifters when they’re building a call so they can deal with the weightless situation. They’re not trying to run away from the weight, they’re trying to deal with it, they want that friction to be there.
When is this bad? This is bad within the context of the switchOn coaching program when we are talking about communicating clearly.
When you cannot and you do not communicate clearly, it is very difficult to live with intent. In our book, the VIP life we talk about intentional living. There’s a reason why the good book says write the vision and make it plain. There are certain things that you need to write and there’s certain things you need to say and that’s why life and death is in the power of the tongue because there’s certain things that you need to speak.
When you become callous many times within the context of a relationship, you get so callous when you’re talking back and forth and communicating that you just shut down.
Doctors, John and Julie Gottman. They’re authorities in the space of marriage and communication, and they wrote a book called the Marriage Clinic, and They also wrote about the four horsemen of the apocalypse as it relates to marriage and there’s one point in that process when the relationship is getting ready to go bad, when people start stonewalling.
You’re no longer communicating, you become callous in the process, you’re just working your way through, you’re not addressing the true nature of the problem, which exists and you create this callous, which does not allow you to deal with the friction point that is currently in the situation now.
What we do in the switchOn coaching program and I really want to talk to you about this as this is a series that I’m going to release on friction Points.
I want to talk to you about when you create that callous, that emotional and the attitude of Callus which is in place, that hardening which is in place, that the refusal to address the thing that is causing the friction, what you do is you actually build up with your calluses, a padding that separates you from the person.
it separates you from the real situation that needs to be addressed. So the more you the more callous you build up the more separation you build up with the person, and then you sell yourself on the fact that things have gone too far and we can’t break through this particular divide.
Now the divide which is there, is one that you help put there because you refuse to address it.
Now let me break this thing down like a fraction for the ladies who are listening and for some of the men who go get manicures and pedicures too. When you go to get this pedicure. They knock off the hard stuff off your feet with a promise stone. Why?
Because that don’t that Callus has been built up over a period of time because of you just walking around and being in your shoes, which means everybody needs some form of therapeutic modality. Some form of coaching!
Some form of mentoring or some process that is available to act as a pumice stone to shave down the callous, so that you
don’t lose your interaction and your ability to touch and connect and talk with other people.
If you’re in the context of a marital space or a quasi-marital space. It is helpful to go to the nail shop, what you would call a marital therapy session in order for them to shave some things down at times, so you can keep and maintain that connection, some people go to church and they do it, some people sit down and some people go to a coaching session and they do it.
We have clients right now within the context of the switch on coaching program, where we sit down with some couples who live together and we help them shave off some of the rough edges that they have so they can achieve the connection that they need because the process of life and friction, just walking around like you walk around on your feet, it creates some calluses. It creates some thickness at times. And when these things come, you have to shave these particular things down what happens is…
For Example at your job. You don’t like Nancy, you don’t like Fred, you don’t like the lady in human resource. So you don’t say anything. 1 month, 6 months, 2 years go by, 5 years go by and seven… You don’t say anything callous keeps on building to the point where you don’t even know why you don’t like that person anymore. Because you’re not connected enough to understand why you don’t like em. All you know is that the callous is in place. The divide is in place and I have to maintain this.
See the thing about working through the friction point is, can I see this other person’s point? Am I able to listen and understand the other person where the other person is coming from? Can they do the same thing to me and for me so that we can shave these things down, maintain the connection and move forward.
There was some there was a buildup of some callous. There was some friction that occurred, which occurs in our relationships and then one individual looked at that friction as being a roadblock and decided to detour and it took me some time to respect that and understand that, but I respect that because I do know this, I’m talking about myself. I’m not talking about the other person. I’m talking about myself in relation to people in the world. I realize that I’m built a lot different.
I can handle a lot more weight on my back. my spiritual legs are a lot stronger. My spiritual lower back is a lot stronger. I can handle a lot of spiritual weight on the bar and because I can handle a lot of spiritual weight on the bar.
God understands this. puts a couple of plates on let’s me keep lifting. he’s not going to give me any more that I can bare, but there’s still some more that I need because there’s other people that I need to help with their spiritual under gearing as well and I can’t help them until mine grows and increases so my friction points and my issues and the problems that I have and the things that occur in my life that are full of friction. I look at those things as being quality training practices to provide me with the growth that I need other people look at Friction Points like roadblocks. Now, here’s the thing, When will I know if it’s a friction point and when Will I know if it’s a roadblock?
I’m glad that you asked. If you, I’m going to bring this thing home if you have faith As a grain of mustard seed, you can say to the mountain, remove hence to yonder place and it will remove and nothing shall be impossible unto you. That’s the description now let me give you a worldly explanation.
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it and this, you have the power to revoke at any moment.
What did Muhammad Ali Muhammad Ali said. I hated every minute of training, but “I said to myself, don’t quit suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”
Seeing something as a friction point and seeing something as a roadblock is you. When people come to us in team switchOn, our job is to do this. Our job is to find the place in your mind that is holding you back and to go inside of that room and to find the switch in there to turn the light on to illuminate the possibilities that are available for you to move forward and stop seeing what you think is a roadblock.
What you think is a wall, What you think is a mountain and let you understand and know that if you pour faith into yourself and if you allow us to pour into you and if you understand that faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God and if you understand that you are made more than a conqueror, If you understand that you are made, if you understand who you are and whose you are, then there are no roadblocks. Because the thing is, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Is friction a bad thing? No Friction is not a bad thing. It is necessary for you to grow. So honor the friction in life. Sometimes create it as we do in the switchOn process.
Tomorrow we will discuss friction in friendships, thank you so much for your time today. I appreciate the inclination of your eyes. I appreciate you reading. I also hope that you got something from this particular process. I would encourage you to go look up the physics definition of friction. The physics definition of viscosity, understand what happens in the process of friction. Please look up. John and Julie Gottman, wonderful individuals.
I studied them during my PHD process when I was working on some classes and I want to become a better coach. I knew that I needed to study marriage because there’s a marriage that happens or connection that happens with the coach and the client.
So I did a lot of studying on that and I wanted to know how to coach people who are married and weren’t married. Also, I encourage you to go to WWW.theVIP life.net and the reason why I’m encouraging you to do that is because there’s something that has to be done to change your conceptual framework and the way that you see the world.
So that you can open up the opportunity for someone to come in and help you find your switch, so that you can get your switchOn.
This is doctor Rhadi Ferguson and on behalf of Team switch on which is myself and coach Arlo Henderson. I say that we love you, but God loves you best. If you don’t do anything else today. Make sure you plug in power up and get your switch on.
Please visit WWW.theVIP life.net and get your switchOn.
Visit www.TheVIPLife.com get the Book and learn How To Stop Feeling Guilty For Putting Yourself First!.
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